"I Want to be a Stay at Home Mom"

I remember on the first day of 7th grade we all went around the classroom and said what we wanted to be when we grew up. The kids said the typical things… doctor, firefighter, policeman… I probably said "model" because I was all about that when I was that age (don't judge). We all went around saying what we wanted to be… and then we got to one girl and her statement has me remembering what she said even 14 years after. She said, "I want to be a stay at home mom."

I remember, at my young age, I couldn't believe her response. You want to be a stay at home mom. That's it? There's limitless possibilities in what you could be… and you want to be a stay at home mom? My mind was baffled.

Now, 14 years later, I realize this girl was so ahead of her time. She knew what took me 14 years to realize: family is everything.

Everything.

Before I had Jake my sole focus was school and my career. I finished my associates degree upon graduating high school, I got a 3.9 GPA within my Registered Nurse degree, I did my bachelors of science in nursing while working as a nurse full time. I was hired on as a nurse on the mother/baby floor and my plan was to then work on the med/surg floor, then work on the ICU floor, get experience there and then apply to a nurse anesthetist school. Because the nurse anesthetists make the big bucks… and being a successful nurse anesthetist would make me happy. Right? Right??

Wrong.

I didn't have any idea how having a child would change me. I was completely unprepared for the soul filling unimaginable love I would feel towards him. Suddenly, he was my happiness. He was my everything. I had no idea how sharing a smile with him or watching him giggle would leave such a profound impact on me and my happiness. I don't think I had ever smiled such a genuine ear to ear smile until I shared one with my own son.

I loved my job, I loved my career, I loved my coworkers, I loved the knowledge I had accumulated through it all. In fact, when my husband and I decided it would work best for our family for me to stay home (even temporarily) I was sad because how much I loved (love) my job. 

But the reason why I'm writing this now, is to tell all the stay at home moms, "I get it now". Stay at home moms catch so much flak sometimes. "What do you do all day?" "Don't you get bored?" "I would go crazy if I stayed at home." "I didn't go to school to stay at home." But I get it now ladies, I get it.

Sam and I have been married almost 4 years now and I'm finally starting to feel like, "Ok yeah we've got this down." We've figured out who takes care of what, where responsibilities are designated, and what "gears" we are in charge of to keep the "family machine" running. We've become a well oiled machine… all gears working in unison to keep our family happy and healthy in all aspects of our life.

If I worked and Sam worked we could afford a bigger house, nicer clothes, fancy cars, elaborate vacations… But once we figured out we could make it work on one budget we decided to strive for that. And now, more than ever, I'm relating with that little girl in 7th grade.

Don't get me wrong, if needs be I would go back to work in a heartbeat. I know the subject of "stay at home mom" can be especially touchy sometimes so I wanted to clarify that I'm not saying being a stay at home mom is the only way to be an excellent mother… not by any stretch of the imagination. I have so much respect for my friends, family, and coworkers who are able to balance it all. I don't think being a stay at home mom necessarily means "not working"… I loved one description someone said that was something like, "I'm a nurse and stay at home mom". Because in all reality, once you become a mother you never have time off… it's a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week kind of gig.

I'm mostly writing this because I just think it's crazy how much my opinion on all of it has changed. Before, I couldn't imagine life without being so focused on a successful career. And now, after Jake, I'm fine with putting that on the backburner until my kids are back in school. If I time traveled to the past and told my old self that, she would think I had been brainwashed. Straight up brainwashed.

It's crazy how much kids change you. You always hear mom's saying sappy things like that but you never can fully comprehend it until you're in the position yourself. So, girl in 7th grade, I know you may have been nervous to say what you said. I know that you probably noticed the shocked faces and glances after you said it. But girl, I get it now. And I hope more than anything that you've been able to fulfill your dream.

xoxo Britney