Life Update (1 month since leaving IG)

I'm engaged!!! Just kidding. Hahaha. Clickbait. I haven't even gone on one date since my divorce went though end of November, and honestly I'm not exactly itching to either. I'm spending a lot of time rebuilding myself and I'm loving having the time to focus on that. It's been one month since I stopped posting on Instagram. Considering I used to post every single thought I ever had onto my Instastory it seems like we should have a lot to catch up on... so lets get started!

I've used a lot of my new found free time to read a lot of self help books. Since February 1'st I've read 6 books and I'm currently on my 7th... if you're wondering what I do in all my "instagram free" time it's this! Reading! Once I put the kids to bed I kick my feet up, sit in my parents massage chair, and read about how to unf*ck my life. No really, that's the title of one of the books I've loved the most. "Unf*ck yourself" by Gary John Bishop is probably my favorite self help book this far. I was kind of scared to read it based of the title but no, it doesn't drop countless F words every page. If anything the title is an indication of how the book is written, blunt and honest. Which is right up my alley! Blunt and honest is my love language, if that were a love language. If you're on the search for a good self help book you need this one, it puts everything into perspective. Just maybe hide it in a drawer for when your grandparents come visit, or don't. I won't tell you how to live your life. But this author will and he's going to do it WELL. Dang it!

My second favorite book is called "Choosing Me Before We" by Christine Arylo. I think any woman who has been in a turbulent relationship needs to read this book, it's a necessity! It's great for women who are TOO selfless and give TOO much of themselves in an attempt to keep their relationships afloat. I felt like I've lost a lot of myself trying to keep my marriage together... I'm not going to list them off because it's unnecessary and will just fuel drama but I changed myself so much to try and make it work. Now I'm back in my hometown after moving away for 6 years, back with my family and friends, getting back to my career, back to my hobbies... it feels good. This book helped me realize to be in a relationship you first have to be true to yourself, we have no business getting in a relationship with anyone else if we don't know who WE ARE and what WE WANT from life. If you're in a healthy relationship this isn't for you, if you aren't in a healthy relationship this IS for you. It's also a great read for single women trying to figure out what it is they want in life. Read it and tell me what you think!

My third favorite book would probably be "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I hesitated reading this book and more so even talking about this book because I didn't consider myself codependent. In fact I'm EXTREMELY independent, so I didn't think codependency would necessarily apply to me. However, I chose to read it because I feel like in marriage through the years we end up being codependent on our spouse in one way or another. K, so immediately upon reading it I realized I had the definition of codependency all wrong. I thought it meant that you literally depend on another person to exist, that isn't what it is, at least that's not how she defines it in her book! The author defines codependency more so as when you let yourself feel affected too much by others poor decisions or behaviors. I consider myself an empath to one degree or another, meaning a lot of times I FEEL the emotions others are feeling. It can be good because it inspires me to take action to help, but it's not always good. You can't help people unless they ask you specifically for said help, otherwise you're attempting to control someone else. Harsh, but true. This book helped me realize I need to keep a healthy distance from other people's problems and in doing so make more of an effort to protect my own inner peace.

Ok, enough of the books. Remember how I kept complaining talking about how my shins were hurting? I tried everything to try and fix them and nothing was helping so I finally went in to a sports medicine doctor. At this point I was thinking it could have been something called chronic exertional compartment syndrome because I was having a lot of the same symptoms (thanks google for that diagnosis, you never lead me astray when it comes to my health. Wait, most of the time you do actually lead me astray). After hearing my symptoms the sports medicine doctor decided that we should do an MRI just to MAKE SURE there weren't any stress fractures.

I really didn't think they were going to see anything... I was sure it was the muscle that was bugging me. Plus we did an x-ray when they were hurting a year ago and they didn't see anything. Well, turns out they almost NEVER see stress fractures on an x-ray unless they are advanced stress fractures. They almost always need to do an MRI to be able to rule out stress fractures, X-rays just don't cut it. Sure enough, the MRI came back and showed some little stress fractures on the back of my tibia. *sigh* So no running for me in the races I've signed up for this spring! Overall though I'm grateful to know what the cause of the pain is and work towards recovery.

Since this pain started last year when I was running while still breastfeeding Chloe, they think that could have been a contributing factor. In pregnancy and nursing, if the mother isn't getting enough calcium in her diet the body will then begin taking calcium from her bones in order to get it to the developing baby. They think that since my bones had likely been weakened from pregnancy and nursing, the initial stress on my bones happened last year when I was running, and then they just never healed properly.

So the plan now is to stick to cycling/biking for a month, then work my way to the elliptical, and then slowly begin to incorporate running again. No jumping for me, but I can still do all my weighted leg exercises. I went to a spin class yesterday and my... uh... "lady parts" feel like they just gave birth. WHY ARE BIKE SEATS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Someone tell me that it gets better with time, please. Do they give epidurals for spin classes? KIDDING. I'M KIDDING. Kind of.

Anyway, for my bones to heal I also have to be better about getting enough calcium in my diet, and if I'm not then I have to take 1,500 mg of calcium along with 2,000 iu of vitamin D.

Next matter of business... I've applied to two nursing jobs so far with no luck. I think employers aren't liking that I've stayed home to raise my kid's the past four years, which is so lame! I feel like this is fairly normal for nurses... take a few years off while their kids are young and then enter the workforce again.  So I'm just going to keep on applying! I'm sure something will land one of these days... and if I don't end up getting one until this fall that won't be the worst thing ever because Jake will be entering kindergarten by that time.

I have so much I could say on these posts, I just have to figure out the politically correct way to word them. I've had a lot of people turn to me on advice of what to do when their marriage is falling apart and I'd love to be able to write more about that while still respecting the privacy of other's who are involved in my story. I think for now, I'd just like to say, to those women who feel like your life is falling apart... just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. At some points you may be trying to survive day to day, sometimes even just minute to minute. But trust me, you WILL SURVIVE. And this will pass. And you WILL find your new normal. Even if everything you've ever known for the past however many years is ripped away from you, you will start over and rebuild. And you will have the freedom to rebuild a life better than anything that caused you to come to this breaking point in the first place. Have courage, you can do it.


Britney Munday