Airing the Dirty Laundry

"I am not a stranger to the dark, hide away they say because we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars, run away they say because no one will love you as you are."

The first time I saw "The Greatest Showman" my eyes swelled with tears listening to the lyrics of "This is Me". I know what it's like to feel like I need to hide my broken parts away... As someone once close to me said, "Society doesn't openly share the things you share Britney, there is a reason they don't air their dirty laundry."

By sharing my story I'm not airing my dirty laundry, I'm owning my truth. Telling my story how it is.  And I've never been one to follow what "society says" anyway. 

The interesting thing about owning your truth is that while you might have a couple naysayers saying not to "air your dirty laundry", I found that owning my truth allowed others to love me as I am. No "pretend Britney". No mask. No layers to uncover. Just me as I am. Britney. The same Britney with her best friend that she is to a stranger on the streets.

In the social media culture there has always been a push to show the "good side" of everything. Paint it however you want, but never sharing vulnerabilities on your platform is a choice that you knowingly make. It's a choice to show your life in a certain way, because you want others to perceive you in that certain way. In fact, I'd venture to say some of the most self conscious people are the ones who are too afraid to ever share vulnerabilities or struggles... which in reality makes me sad for them.

When you are confident in yourself you don't worry about sharing your vulnerabilities. You KNOW who you are, you LOVE who you are, and you could care less whether or not someone is judging you for SHOWING who you are. You know your heart and you know your intentions, and THAT is enough. When you are confident you don't need reassurance from any outside source because it comes from within. You can't outsource confidence.

I've chose to let others in on my struggles out of hope that someone else could find hope on my story. I share my struggles because I find it EXHAUSTING trying to cover up what is really going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I could have some kind of disorder because I literally can't lie or even pretend to lie... I'd be a terrible actress. 🤔

Sometimes your "story" can overlap with someone else's "story"... and in those cases I try to respect that line as much as I can.

If some perceive sharing your scars as "airing the dirty laundry" then let them live in their ashamed and hidden life. But as for me I'm not ashamed of my scars... scars only form on the living. A scar means, "You survived". I've survived the turmoil of the last 6 months. We are warriors! Have the confidence to own your battle wounds. Own your story, the ups and the downs. You never know how hard someone else may be gripping on to it for hope.

"Look out 'cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, THIS IS ME".

I am not a stranger to the dark

Hide away, they say

'Cause we don't want your broken parts

I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars

Run away, they say

No one'll love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust

I know that there's a place for us

For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me

Another round of bullets hits my skin

Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in

We are bursting through the barricades and

Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)

Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust

I know that there's a place for us

For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me

This is me

and I know that I deserve your love

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of

(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

This is brave, this is proof

This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I'm gonna send a flood

Gonna drown them out

Oh

This is me.