I Find it Hard

To be honest, I find it hard.

I find it hard to find the right words when someone tells me "I'm sorry". Replying "It's ok" when I don't feel it.

I find it hard when no one knows what to say so they say nothing at all. As if ignoring it makes it as though it never happened.

I find it hard when my niece asks me why my baby went to heaven early. Her innocent eyes pleading for an answer.

I find it hard seeing pregnant bellies. Thinking what could have been.

I find it hard when I'm alone. My thoughts crowding my mind.
I find it hard, I do.

I don't think I'm as strong as everyone seems to think I am.
I don't have a choice. This is what happened. My only choice is how I react to it.

So don't be fooled, I find it hard.

But everything that happens has a reason. And each hard time makes me a little bit tougher, a little more of a fighter. Like a broken bone... healing stronger each time.
I find it hard, but I find it harder to look back negatively. So each morning I hold my chin high, put on my lipstick, and flash a smile.

Because today is a new day and I'm not taking that for granted. So I walk outside, feel the sun warm my face, and thank the heavens for all that I have. Because though I can't change the direction of the wind, I CAN adjust my sails.