Life Update (2 months since leaving IG)

Hello. It's me. I've been wondering if after all this time you'd like to meet. To go over. Everything. Hahaha just kidding guys I'm not going to write this whole post in Adele lyrics but I couldn't not start with it.

K, hi. Life post Instagram is AMAZING. Literally better than ever, and I'm not just saying that. It has been SO good for me to be off of there and focusing on other things in my life. I truly believe that leaving Instagram has opened up the gates to allow other great things into my life. Let me break it down for you.

1. Instead of socializing on Instagram I now am socializing more with my friends and family. Which is what I needed all along. I didn't need thousands of smaller connections, I needed a fewer BIGGER connections to get me through this time. I needed a fewer DEEPER connections to get me through this time. Leaving Instagram has given me that additional capacity to really strengthen those relationships that I needed to and be a better friend to those connections I already had.

2. I've met some great people. Now that I'm no longer focusing on connecting through Instagram I think it's broadened my horizons to connect with new people outside of that Instagram realm that I had previously been putting so much focus into. I've met some amazing guys and amazing friends! Just last night I went out on a double date with a guy I've been hanging out with, his friend, and my cousin and I was in tears laughing so hard. TEARS. We went to a movie and then played Cards Against Humanity (Which, I'm surprisingly good at. Apparently having a dirty mind pays off at this game. Aren't you proud of me mom! Hahaha.) I don't remember the last time I was in tears laughing.

Ok wait, I just remembered. I was actually in teats laughing just the night before when I was telling my mom about my little boy's kindergarten round up when they were testing his vision. They were pointing to the shapes and asking him what they were (square, house, circle). There was a line of 10 parents behind us watching and waiting their turn. So they start testing my little boy and anytime they pointed to the circle my little boy would call it an "ovaline". AN OVALINE. An ovaline?!? What the hell is an ovaline?! How does my little boy know all of his letters and sounds but not the name of a circle?!? And why am I just realizing this now when 10 parents are behind us and intently watching? So yeah, I was crying laughing telling my mom this story. Update, my little boy can now distinguish between a circle and an ovaline. Which, for the record, is just a name he made up. Hahaha. You have to laugh so you don't cry... or if you're going to cry make sure it's because you're laughing so hard haha!

3. I live life based on what makes ME happy. I thought I was pretty good at doing this anyway, but after fully leaving Instagram it helps you realize that no matter how hard you try to just be yourself you are still trying to  please others in one way or another. I liked to tell myself that in the world of Insta bloggers I was pretty down to earth... my feed wasn't necessarily cohesive, esthetically pleasing, or picture perfect... but I did still spent a lot of my time and emotional capacity trying to please other people. Not trying to please others by MY image on there necessarily, but by trying to connect with others in one way or another. I liked to tell myself I was on there to share my vulnerabilities and offer encouragement to give other women the strength they might need. My Meyer-Brigg's personality type is the "healer" (INFJ) so I do tend to center my life around trying to help other people in one way or another and I find it hard to be selfish and focus on myself... but at this raw stage in my life I did need to only focus on myself. I needed to secure my oxygen mask before securing anyone else's... and leaving Instagram has helped focus that emotional capacity into my own self healing before anyone else's.

This week I had a date with an awesome guy and we went up to the SLC capitol to sit on the grass and enjoy the trees that were in bloom. Sitting there I realized that while we were there enjoying it just to enjoy the moment, the warmth, the beauty, and have good conversation... most of the people were there to get pictures with the trees in bloom. Wrestling their toddlers who just wanted to be running around, forcing smiles, and trying to get that perfect shot without anyone else in the background. Sure, I get it. It's nice to get those family pictures and it is a beautiful scene, but sometimes I feel like we need to take a step back and enjoy the moment for ourselves instead of what perfect of a picture it's going to be. Ya know? No judgement from me, I love a pretty picture as much as the next person, but if that's all we are focusing on we need to do some reevaluating of our life.

Anyway, I'm now focusing on what makes me happy instead of directing any attention into what would make my 13k followers happy (which, for the record is now 12.4k since I've announced my departure lol). I focus on what makes me feel good. What makes my life feel worthwhile. What I want. Which is such a simple concept, but really life changing if you're used to consistently directing energy to please others. I'm rebuilding my life and cementing that foundation with people and opportunities that bring me happiness, and no one else. I'm no longer thinking about "likes" on my post, but my own likes in my own life. Which is what we all should be doing.

4. It's nice to fly under the radar. I always say to live your life like you're in a fish bowl, and I do. I'm the same person with my best friend as I am to someone on the streets. I have no secrets that I would care if they got out. I make every decision like every single person I know is watching, maybe that's a virgo thing? I mean, we are the sign of pure intentions. I'm not a perfect person by any means, but I'm also not a secretive person.

However, in such a vulnerable time in my life where people could criticize every single decision I make, it's nice to fly under the radar. It's nice not to have those soured relationships watching ever single thing I do. It's nice not to have people picking apart posts and words to try and figure things out. I've learned that people are so bored in their own lives they love talking about the misfortune of others. And good heck they love talking about divorces. "So what do you think happened?! She posted this and he posted this. I saw them at blah blah blah the other night". I feel like for the most part all of my connections on Instagram were incredibly loyal and positive connections, but I can't weed out every dandelion among the flowers. It's been nice to take that step back and not really add anything to that narrative.

5. I'm indifferent. I care. I care a lot. I'm super loyal and when I invest into someone I invest into them for a lifetime. Divorce is HARD. It's hard to lose the person you've spent the last six years with, it's hard to lose those connections that you centered your life around. It's even harder when you're seeing their every move on Instagram. I don't know why people feel like they have to take sides in a divorce. Unless you were a fly on a wall you can never possibly know what someones marriage was like, you don't have to take sides and you can still be there for both people. In fact, any decent divorcee wouldn't want you to take sides. I actually encourage our "best friend" couple to still stay in contact with my ex, I don't want them to cut him off. What kind of person would that make me? Just because our personal relationship couldn't work out doesn't mean that I need them to hate him for me. I wish more people would be like that but it's not the case. At first having people side against me was really hard, because I care. And I care about them. And they actually had no idea what that broken marriage was like because I never felt the need to tear down my ex to gain support for my side of the story. It was agonizing to be going through the most painful time in my life with not only the loss of my spouse but also the loss of nearly my whole "support system" for the past 6 years. I now realize that that support system I thought I had wasn't the same as what I thought, and I'm grateful to find that out now rather than 20 more years down the road. But it hurt at first. It hurt like hell! Those were my people, the people I loved. It was agonizing. I had to stop following them but then I was still getting screenshots of things they did or questions about them... it was so hard to heal from that heartache when I was seeing them all the time through social media. Now that I'm off, I've finally been able to heal from that. I'm more independent than ever and have strengthened my new support system. I'm indifferent to those people and the things they now do, which I'm grateful for. It's a blessing to not feel the heartache of that and be reminded of it through social media. I'm creating my own life now and it feels better than ever.

Anyway, life is good guys! Real good. If you're struggling in one aspect or another I'd really suggest taking a step back from social media. It's a hard adjustment the first week but then you don't even miss it! It's amazing. I miss being connected to you guys so easily through there but I'm glad we still can stay connected through my blog because I feel like it's a healthier option for me. I love to hear from you guys so make sure you comment (comment with your IG name because that's what I recognize first!). Thanks for reading and thanks so much for your continual love and support!

Love ya guys!

Britney Munday